Big Fat Deal: $16.5 Million for a Spaceship in West Van

BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 4580 Marine Drive, West Vancouver

Price: $16,580,000

Listing: R2281521

The skinny: Five-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 6,220-square-foot house on a 14,381-square-foot lot in West Van

The bling: Oh my eyes! What a load of old shiny: you could eat yer dinner off any surface in this place, mate. An architectural twist on the TARDIS (only slightly jarring spaceship from the front, monstrous eyesore from the back), this colossus of excess reflects the gross profit margins of its owner in every wall, floor and cupboard door. It’s a positive glory hole of gluttonous over-consumption, just awaiting your fine furnishings and a 110-inch, 4K, HDR, OLED TV in every room. Props if you can indeed fill the glass wine wall with colour-coordinated bottles. Tacky? You bet your Falke vicuña socks it is. But it’s the right kind of tacky—the kind that feels no shame in listing its location as “Olde Caulfeild”* or being lit up like a beacon in anticipation of the neighbours’ undying jealousy. You’re the king of this hill, baby (at least until the next McMansion arrives).

The hidden extras: Sauna. Don’t even think about buying a house without a sauna built in. Seriously, the home sauna is to 2018 what the media room once was: de rigueur, darling. Infinity pool (natch), six balconies (the bare miniumum, we admit), and an LED-backlit ceiling (because money knows no boundaries when stupid starts spending).

*Is this a thing? When did this become a thing?