How to Get Laid on Valentine’s Day Without the Stupid Roses

Credit: Alvin Feng

Do a cheap Valentine’s Day date at home instead of stressing about all the silly commercialized crap.

Before you pop the bubbly and schuck the oysters, ask yourself if this is what you really want

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, there’s no shortage of options for throwing your money down the toilet. $10 for a single rose? Great. $40 for a box of chocolates that will instantaneously engender feelings of appreciation, guilt and body issues? Wow! And what better way to show someone you love them than by squeezing into a restaurant with 30 other lovers and paying someone else to serve you the designated Valentine’s menu?

Focus on the how, not the what of aphrodisiac foods

There’s a lot talk about aphrodisiac foods at this time of year, but the amorous powers of a food can be less about the food and more about its delivery.

Chocolate and tea have similar amounts of tryptophan and phenylethylamine (the chemicals in chocolate associated with creating “cravings”). Yet there’s something far sexier about popping a chocolate in your mouth or dipping fruit into a molten fondue than slurping on a mug of pekoe. Personal touches are sexy. Having someone catering to your tastes and whims is downright ambrosial.

Individualise your romance

Food:

• Spend a little time thinking about your lover’s/partner’s/spouse’s favourite foods. You know them far better than I do (hopefully).
• Spare a thought for volume. All the aphrodisiacs in the world won’t do you any good if you’ve just consumed, well, all the aphrodisiacs in the world.

Setting:

• Covering your table with candles and white linen is wonderfully romantic but can be very formal. There are other ways to show you’ve made an effort.
• An indoor picnic can be just as romantic and more intimate. It allows for lounging, snuggling and feeding each other.
• If you want intimacy and a shared experience, try cooking together. It doesn’t have to be a surprise, or one-sided. Work out a meal that you enjoy cooking together.

Consider the purpose of Valentine’s Day, don’t stress

As corny as it sounds, the best way to celebrate with your loved one is by being yourself—well, a better version of yourself. The day will be more enjoyable if you’re relaxed, so don’t stress yourself out. If a night off cooking and kids is what you’d enjoy, head for your favourite restaurant. At end of the day, Valentine’s Day is about communion—getting together over food and loving love.

P.S. If you can swing it with your significant other, the restaurants are much emptier on the 15th of February—and roses are dirt-cheap then too.