BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 3101-277 Thurlow Street, Vancouver

Price: $58,888,000

MLS: R2121458

The skinny: Four-bedroom, five-bathroom, 8,010-square-foot penthouse in Coal Harbour.

The bling: No, that isn’t a typo. It’s a $59-million condo. If that doesn’t scream super-rich, global-elite, only-billionaires-need-apply, you might need to recalibrate your take on reality. Yes, we know we have recently moved into a post-truth, post-decency, trumped-up world, but come on: if you have $59 million to spend on a condo, you’ve got to be holding onto a bank account the size of a small country’s GDP. So, go on, purchase this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to really flash your cash at the less fortunate—those lowly millionaires—in your entourage and show them just how great you are. It’s going to be incredible. It’s going to be terrific. It’s going to prove to everyone who gives a fig that you really are the Big Kahuna, the cat that stole all the cream. Hot Dog. It’s the biggest penthouse in the whole of Coal Harbour. Yowsers, right? For this price, those of us with far more modest means might, at the very least expect a solid gold, diamond-encrusted loo, a helipad and Dom Pérignon flowing from the faucet, but hey, we’d just be showing our lack of class.

The hidden extras: Seven-car garage (because climate change is a myth), 360-degree views (to laugh at all us little people grinding out the day), sauna, steam room and pool (because it’s a hard life, being one of the 0.01 per cent).