BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 2868 West 36th Avenue, Vancouver

Price: $5,480,000

MLS: R2113657

The skinny: Six-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 4,534-square-foot house on a 7,800-square-foot lot in MacKenzie Heights.

The bling: It’s getting crazy out there. You know it; we know it. You’re feeling like it’s time to scale back a little and remind yourself what it is to be an Average Joe, a man of the people. In the immortal words of Jarvis Cocker, you “want to live like common people.” Well, here’s your chance—as much as you can be considered common in a $5.5-million house, but you have to maintain certain standards, right? Look: this place is so ordinary Walmart may sue you for trademark violation. It’s so hopelessly, piteously mundane, you could serve meatloaf, green bean casserole and generic ketchup to your dinner guests and they won’t think you’re being cheap. Seriously, this is how you fly your wealth under the radar. Family members really feeling the economic pinch won’t even think about hitting you up for financial help. You go ahead and pretend you’ve got no money. “Look at this house,” you can say. “It’s nothing special. Have you seen the fluorescent lights behind the Plexiglass ceiling in the kitchen? Would we live with that if we had any cash?” Just don’t show them the sauna. That’s our little secret.

The hidden extras: Sauna, rec room, garage door opener (hey—it’s listed as a selling feature, we don’t make this stuff up).